Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
