You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
COCAINE IS GR8
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
