i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
