so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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