how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
