Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize