just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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