and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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