Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize