just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
