well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
