yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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