I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
