Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Are my feet made of real feet?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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