We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
