Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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