I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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