I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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