do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
