he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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