They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
