He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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