matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She bit a glass in half.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
is it fun? or sober?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
