Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
