cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
