I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
