i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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