I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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