I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just invented taco cereal.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
