so explain again why im purple
no
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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