he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
