we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
