I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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