when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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