Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
