There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
