He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
