Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
