i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize