STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
