just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
