Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's always time for handjobs
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
