You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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