Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
