I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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