I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
