All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
