Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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