her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
