too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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