Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
