Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
