I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
why is half of my head shaved?
Shame - the story of my life.
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