This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
