You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
