I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
