I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
