i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
