Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
