i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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