I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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