So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
