Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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